I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
