I skipped work to stalk him.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
