I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
