Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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