is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
