I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
