All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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