Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
operation harelip BJ is a go
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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