omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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