One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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