We're facebook friends in real life
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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