Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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