i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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