i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
