you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
