Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
