i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
