She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
