I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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