got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
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