u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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