my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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