i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
