i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
