im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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