the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
smell my finger.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
