it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just want to make out with him forever
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
