so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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