i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
