i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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