He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
