So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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