dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is Oprah even human
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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