Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
