I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
