If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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