First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
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