In the future we'll all be gay
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just want nice things and good sex
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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