Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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