What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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