mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
