I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
