I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize