I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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