Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
dude. I can hear the air.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
