My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
