He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
