I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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