I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
