I wanna bring you to show and tell
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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