your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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