So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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