I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
