oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
