I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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