in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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