thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
