My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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