Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
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He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
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Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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