I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
