i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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