Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
