I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize