We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
